you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
