Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
