My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
