I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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