we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
