I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Someone signed my nipple.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
