I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
