Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
