dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
