I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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