She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
