I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
