I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
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