i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
wat bout pragnant strippers??
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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