Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
