Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
