Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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