I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
