Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
