piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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