You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
