yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
