there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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