i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
