my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
