YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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