ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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