Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
