Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
