plz talk dirty to me
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
