heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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