My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
