If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
