Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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