are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
