That's intense
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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