Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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