He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
