did you get engaged???
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
