i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
