Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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