Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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