Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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