So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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