I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
