i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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