Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
