im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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