dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
