I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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