I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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