you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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