Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
