"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
