Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i can't believe i had my finger in that
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
